Figuring out life

Dealing with Depression and a bad back

Not long ago I went for an MRI on my back because I complaining it was hurting. I would get tingling in my legs for about an hour on a morning and wouldnt be able to walk properly. I went for scans and still seeing a consultant about my legs but the the current pandemic I am having to wait to see my consultant.

When I went for my MRI on the saturday back in June I got a phone call on that Monday saying I have early stages of osteoarthritis, but the doctor never recorded it on my file. I have rang my doctor a few times asking to go see a specialist so I can be put on the right mediciation, only to be told that I dont need to and that I am only young and in the early stages, but surely if that is the case why am I in so much pain and I am gradually finding it harder to do every day tasks.

They have sent me to physio but I can not do what they are asking me to do, and even they have said that I have to try and keep moving as much as possible. I work 16 hours a week, in my local DIY store at 4 hours shifts 4 times a week and that really pushes my limits, but dont want to give it up just yet because it is a good environment to work and they have helped me with everything that is needed to help me with work.

I try to take the dog out on the days I am not at work but can only manage 15-30 minutes as he pulls and hurts my back more, when we walk round our local woodlands I can let him off and it isnt so bad, but feel awful that I cant take him for the long walks we used to go on because I can not manage it any more.

I also used to do yoga, which I loved to do but even that doesnt help and I am restricted on what movements I can do. This is really getting to me and affects my mental health in a big way, I also loved to go hiking and taking the dog with me, but cant even walk to the end of the street without it hurting.

I still try to do as much as I can without hurting myself but most days this proves difficult and the pain killers the doctor has given dont even do anything other than make me sleepy and I cant drive on the them, they did give me anti-inflammatories but they only help with the muscle side of it not the grinding and clicking and popping of my spine when I walk. Everytime I explain to the doctor what the feeling is like and just get you shouldnt be feeling like that but that is all we can offer you.

It doesnt help the fact that every appointment I have had has been over the phone and not face to face because they would then see the pain and difficultly I am going through, I have had to have my depression medication upped because I can not coupe with not been able to get out and about like I used to. When I felt low I would go for a walk on the beach or woods or the local park just to give myself some space and air to breathe and help with the calming of my thoughts, but I can not even do that now.

Everything just seems to be so muddled and confusing with the restrictions that are in place and everytime you feel like your getting somewhere something else like to get in the way of my progress and it is making me feel claustrophobic, and enclosed in a small space not been able to breathe.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s