Well after the weekend away I decided to tidy my gardens up and make them look a bit better.
But as I went to go dig my front garden my back started to hurt so decided to get someone in to do for me so that way all I had to do was put some grass seed down and sort my planters out.
I also had a tough day at college, with emotions running high and feeling a bit deflated from it, but it was a learning curve and one that i certainly learned from. It is easy to sympathise but it is hard to empathise and there is a big difference between the 2 but I am only on my level 2 so it is a learning progress and I am enjoying every bit of it as I am learning more about myself and my own internal frame of reference.
As the week went on and college work done and things getting sorting in the house and getting rid of stuff that I had been holding onto that i did not need any longer because it was just taking up space, I also have learned to let go of people in my life that do not want me in theirs for what ever reason is theirs, but I did and do still have my moments and will most properly still have them moments because of that connection that I was clinging on to.
The relationship with my Daughter has flat lined since she moved out and this has been a tough cookie to swallow, as I did not expect her to cut me off so quickly, but she has her reasons and hopefully one day we can reconnect when she is good and ready, just more gutted that I will not have a good relationship with my grandchild like I had hoped. She is concentrating on her family now and I am learning to get on with mine as I can not expect to work at something when the other party is not ready to do so. I will be ready and waiting and to listen and help when the time is right.
My Son has got himself an apprenticeship, and I am proud of him for getting himself out there and apply himself, so far he is loving it because it is hands on and he loves the practical side of things, but he does have his moments were he puts me down and makes me feel inadequate about been a Mum, but I am also learning to try and just take this with a pinch of salt and not dwell on it too much, although I did shout at him for the way he made me feel with his constant remarks as it got too much with been called stupid and dumb. I know I am not and I know that the abundance of information I have will one day be helpful to him but until then……
Things are going great between me and my partner since we had a good talk about everything and we have now made some future plans that I can not wait for, I hope he understands me better than he did before and I try to let him into my thought process as much as I can so he can understand were i am coming from which has took some bickering and fall outs in the process of this but we are getting there and we are still both learning how to get on with it but together instead of separately.