Figuring out life

4th week of November

As I sit here eating my dinner, my thoughts have wondered slightly.

I was reading something earlier on and it has stuck in my mind for whatever reason. What I was reading triggered my thoughts into “Why do we change ourselves?”

Now I am the biggest culprit for changing because I change to adapt to my surroundings and the people or company I keep. This got me thinking “why do we do that?”. No matter how I word the question they all mean the same and to me I think, we change because when someone says you are ugly you change your appearance to be more pleasing. When someone says you smell, you change your perfume and toiletries. When someone says “no will love you for who you are”. You question everything about yourself and change everything of who you are to become lovable.

All these changes we have made because of others, makes us feel and hate ourselves even more because, we are not been who we are, we are been who everyone else wants us to be.

Words are very powerful and if said often enough we believe them. We start to be who we are not and we still get made fun of because we have changed and we look even worse, than we did to start with. Which then makes us question everything again.

Well, I think we need to stop listening to those people who judge, make us feel less of who we are and be who we truly are what we feel on the inside. Our true self. The self that does not care what anyone else thinks about us because we feel good about us.

I know a lot of these feeling because I am guilty of changing to fit in, to be part of something that I know I really did not want to be part of. But, have still done anyway.

I have suppressed and let go of a lot of who I was when I was growing up because of things that were said to me and now because of it all has me questioning who I am as a person. Everything I wanted to do when I was younger, I did not do because I was told I would never be able to them. This brought fear into my life. To be told your hair looks disgusting and greasy (even though I had washed it the night before), I would not wash my hair, this then made me hate my hair. I was told I looked like Morticia from the Adams Family, but to me this was a complement because I loved the Adams Family and so wanted to be part of a family like that. So that backfired on them a little. when this did not have the affect they was wanting they then said I looked ugly and should not be even in public, I then started to hate how I looked.

As I have gotten older and look back at everything that has been said and done to me. I realise that I was the one who let people make me feel that way instead of just ignoring them and getting on with my life. I was the one who changed myself not them, because I let them get into my head and started to believe what was said was true.

With all this been said, what have you changed about yourself that you did not like but can not change it back because it is now part of who you are now? Never be afraid to believe in yourself even if it goes against someone else’s beliefs, because one day your belief will shine through and make you the better person.

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