Figuring out life

1st week of December

This week I have been stressing somewhat!!

Next week is my partners 40th birthday and I have not done anything special for the occasion!!! With everything with having the operation and trying to get back on my feet and everything it has been the last thing on my mind until now!!

I feel like a rubbish fiancée because I was so looking forward to planning his birthday and what not that nothing has panned out how I wanted it to be for him.

So hopefully a 2 night stay in Newcastle (England) and been spoiled will hopefully be ok for him. Fingers crossed.

I have started taking my yoga and my pelvic floor exercises to the next step this week and have also tried to get in a 5 minute walk every day to build my strength up. It’s one thing walking around your house and having things around to support you if you have a wobble, compared to been outside and having nothing there!! so have limited it to 5 minutes that way I know in the safe zone for now will push this more and more as the weeks pass and hopefully will get up to about an hour so I can take the pooch out again. As I know he is missing it.

Still seem to be good on the pain front but have notice in a certain area of my back aches a lot and trying to keep movement in it so it does not seize up on me, because then I will be monkeyed.

Also this week I have removed anything to do with soical media from my phone because, TikTok just takes over your life I had already deleted it once and got so much more in my life done until i down loaded it because my friend sent me something but could not see what is was because i did not have it on my phone so downloaded it to watch this video and had for a week or 2 and was fine and then this week it was all i could do was watch and make tiktoks. So i decided that was it I am removing facebook, instagram and tiktok from my phone. I am more productive without them.

To top all this off I will not be seeing my daughter and her family before Christmas because they are too busy to even squeeze me in. My partner has made me angry (and yes it is anger), because “he is used to it”, me not ringing him when I say i am!!! The first time in a very long time I have done this and and them words just tipped me over the edge.

I slept for 16 hours and did not get one message from him in that time not one!!!!!! I woke up and tried to ring him twice and sent 3 messages in the space of 30 minutes only to be told he was unloading, ok that is fine and fair you was working but what about the 16 hours I was asleep for was you working all of them too!!!!

Sorry if this has come across weirdly but I think this week I have had the last stamp in my book and now I am going to go sleep the rest of winter because I can not deal with this. No doubt everyone will just put it down to me having an episode if so, then fine I am having a episode and I am staying in it!!!! So just back off and walk away, I am used to it.

Hope everyone is getting into the festivities of Christmas and looking forward to see your families.

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