I started the New Year in Scotland travelling around and visiting some amazing places and also visited the oldest yew tree in Scotland which was surreal.
This month has been a good month even though I have had a few bad days with my mental health. I have not dwelled on them though, for they are only a few from the month of good and positivity and a lot of change, which is what could of triggered my few days of bad. I have also decided to do my blogging monthly this year with everything that I have going on.
I have also started my training for working as a volunteer for Shout, which is an amazing and sombre experience. As it is almost coming to the end of the month and I have not thought about doing my blog till now which is a weird feeling as last year I loved writing about what I was feeling and experiences I was going thorugh where as this year I am more focused on enjoying the experience of life rather than writing about what I would like to do.
I have gone through all my social media and got rid of people I do not have an connection too and now I have gone from have over 300+ people on everything down to -50 people and 90% of them are family. The reason for this is because I am going to become a counsellor and would like to keep what I do private from everything I do as a counsellor.
I also, have another blog I do which is about travelling in our campervan and me and my partner when we going travelling record our experiences and find facts and then create a video that we put onto youtube. I am finding myself busier than ever and I am now trying to learn how to give each part of my life the dedication it requires without overwhelming myself in the process. So far I am managing quite well, but that could all change when I go back to college.
So far this month I feel differently, I am more upbeat about life, I am more happier within myself, and I am enjoying everything life is offering me at the moment and I am grateful, for the opportunities that I am been given. I am slowly realising what my worth is and who I am.
As the month comes to an end and I am reflecting back on how quick this month has gone and what I have achieved already, has amazed me. It has shown me that I am strong when it is needed and that even having bad days does not mean it is the end of everything I have worked so hard for last year. I know that I will have this for the rest of my life but in a way I have had this all my life. I was born with it. What I thought was something bad and grim and has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It has taught me so many things about myself and that it is not a burden but more of a gift a sixth sense. I feel that when I have my bad days it is because it is telling me that something is not right and that something is out of place. I used to trust these feelings when I was younger but always was made out to be a freak or that I was weird, or that I was suffering. When in actual fact it was almost like a gut feeling telling me not to go down that path or to take that decision but always ignored it and went ahead and did it anyway. That is when it would get really bad after I had done something that I knew was not right and I would start cursing myself and I would start retracting in on myself.
Mental health takes on so many different forms and it is very hard to understand. Some say it is the chemicals in our brain, some say that it is because of fear of what others do, the trauma that is caused, some say that the chatter is to much. There are so many people who are trying to understand what mental health is, but they do not see. They just see a patient, a subject to work on, and will prod and poke till it gives them the answer they already knew but needed to see that proof and make someone suffer more. They do not need this all they need is for someone to listen, someone to be there, someone who will walk beside them and not for them.
I should know because I suffer from Mental Health and I no longer see it as a burden but as a gift.